Thursday, June 10, 2010

Attention: Jobs You, You, and You Can Get!

In "This Week in The Weakonomy," there is some hope for all of us living in the Hamptons. With summer, comes jobs for all! Like this craigslist ad I sure hope nobody responds to. To quote:

"Actual, real movie producer seeks part time pool boy for the summer for his country home... "

Yick. But we need to pay bills, right? Sure I'm a little out of shape, but I'm confident I can scurry my beer-belly back and forth to serve this dude his drinks. Oh wait...

"You should be clean cut, All American looking and be comfortable/attractive in a speedo."

And he wants pictures to prove it. Dammit. Fat people have no way out of this recession. They might even be the cause of it!

This article in the Daily News highlights some of the other jobs available for those in desperate need of cash, but good luck. One Quogue family is "seeking a "houseman" who has "experience with museum-quality cleaning and care for antiques, silver and fine art."

We here at Hamptonyte Blog are not housemen. However, we are ass men. (Except Sean, who sometimes blogs here as a guest under our name. He called in to say he's a breast man.)

How about an upper East Side family that summers in Amagansett? They're paying "up to $100,000 a year for a classically trained private chef for "social and religious gatherings, political fund-raisers and philanthropic events."

But how much will they pay someone for them to lay out in the sun? That's what 21-year-old and apple-cheeked, the-world-owes-me-a-living-because-I-look-cute-in-this-bikini Sara Birkholz wants to know. She just completed studying poetry at NYU (yes, we weep for literature too.)

"Laying out is one of the favorite things to do," she said while basking in a pink-and-white bikini on the lawn in Washington Square Park. "If I could find an actual job that let me have time to do that, it would be nice."

But if you'd rather remain an objective observer of the Hamptons summer aquarium, and not climb down into the moat to be among them like Diane Fossey, there's other jobs. Like working in the marketing department for Plum TV. This ad, which is written in a way that actually makes it sound less appealing than it is (no small feat) appeared on mediabistro. Could be a good way to make money while laughing at how seriously people take themselves. Just don't say anything anti-semitic. Or they will fire you.

If none of these appeal to you, you can always act like unemployment is an "experience", like this trust-fund man-child called out in the Daily News article.

"Peter Slowansky, 29, of Williamsburg, Brooklyn would "never, ever" take a serv-ice-staff job, he said."The snobbery!" he said. "It's not a very good vibe. I just don't think it would be worth it. It would devalue my holiday experience."

Oh, get a job, you hipster loser!

1 comment:

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