tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49019053128078258672024-03-13T23:29:59.950-04:00HamptonyteFrom Montauk to Westhampton, all the news that's unfit to print.Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.comBlogger162125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-6619401934738606162014-06-19T17:19:00.002-04:002014-06-19T17:19:43.802-04:00Kardashian Stalker Arrives In Record Time<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LjIx832aZr4/U5DOP4GelUI/AAAAAAAAAYA/eJUpjfsE92U/s1600/Hamptons.Kard1.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LjIx832aZr4/U5DOP4GelUI/AAAAAAAAAYA/eJUpjfsE92U/s1600/Hamptons.Kard1.png" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
We swear, we never thought we'd write this much about the Kardashians, but this must be our fifth post? Consider it a public service announcement, because we think our "Hamptons" Google Alert we set up netted a pretty scary dude.<br />
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It's the blog of "evilsax," a multi-blogger who recently published two posts on his blog "Diary of a Republican Hater." In the first post,<a href="http://diaryofarepublicanhater.blogspot.com/2014/06/i-drop-in-to-hamptons-during-kardashian.html" target="_blank"> <span style="color: #38761d;">"I Drop Into The Hamptons During Kardashian Season,</span>"</a> he pretty much divulges his obsession with Kourtney Kardashian and how he enlisted friends to drive him from Baldwin, NY out to Southampton to stalk the DASH store. When they arrive, the Kardashians are not there.<br />
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His grand plan when he sees them? <i><span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.559999465942383px;"> </span></i><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.559999465942383px;">I had been ready to tell Kourtney that Scott's a nice guy but 'we both know he's not worthy of you, that he doesn't treat you like you deserve to be treated' which we would follow by a song-the Car's 'You Might Think'-and old 80s hit. Of course, we didn't see them. Our last ditch effort was to go to 75 Main St. for dinner but, of course, we had neglected to sign up for a reservation.</span></i></blockquote>
Even more interesting is that his one friend "Kev" brought another friend, "Pauly" and the two of them like to do a bit in public where one punches the other in the stomach as hard as he can.<br />
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<i> <span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.559999465942383px;">Often they get quite a kick out of it. We're trying to stoke things.</span></i></blockquote>
Yeah, so...<br />
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If his failed attempt to find her house in Noyac, or track her movement to the General Store in Noyac, or his failed attempt to catch up to her in DASH, or his last-ditch effort to find her at 75 Main doesn't scare you a little, his next blog should.<br />
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It's called<a href="http://diaryofarepublicanhater.blogspot.com/2014/06/ok-i-make-case-for-mike-sax-kourtney.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;"> "OK I Make The Case For a Mike Sax-Kourtney Kardashian Merger."</span> </a>Enough said, but we'll give you some nuggets anyway.<br />
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.559999465942383px;"><i> Ok, so if I never get to make my case to Kourtney, much less serenade her with that Cars song-'You Might Think' what is my case? I mean why would she be interested in some totally random guy who she doesn't know and is some wildeyed super to boot? </i></span></blockquote>
And...<br />
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.559999465942383px;"><i>So in a back drop of disappointment for the Kardashian women, could it be that we will be a breath of fresh air? I mean for Kourtney, maybe she can use a guy like me-with my Quixotic worship; I mean, compare this to what she's used to; indeed maybe the Kardashians will find super fans a refreshing change as they spend a lot of time around people who have a 'been there, done that' attitude to celerity. </i></span></blockquote>
And...<br />
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<div style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.559999465942383px;">
<i>I'm just going to try to get her autograph and hopefully get to talk to her for a few minutes, and sing the Cars song. Kev will do his shtick with his wrestling friend where he punches him in the stomach as hard as he can. The guy seems not to feel it. </i></div>
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<i> Maybe such dorkishness will be a nice change of pace. Also, now that I have a little cash-nowhere their money, of course-she might like that a little better. I mean the one thing she certainly doesn't want is a guy who wants her money. </i></div>
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Good luck, dude, go for it! Oh, but wait. Her kids. Darnit!<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.559999465942383px;"><i>Actually, the one thing I'm less sure about is her kids. I have nothing against them, but it does seem that she's so involved with them she has no time for Scott. I don't think he's blameless-and naturally I'm going to take Kourtney's side no matter what-but I feel for the guy the way she makes him sleep in another room every night.</i></span></blockquote>
So yeah, he's coming back to the Hamptons in a "couple weeks" to stalk her again. That didn't take long, did it.<br />
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Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-50693743009559592512014-06-11T09:00:00.000-04:002014-06-11T09:00:11.527-04:00The Hamptons Has New Artwork To Get Pissed About!In 2010 it was<a href="http://hamptonyte.blogspot.com/2010/11/breaking-news-bored-people-hate.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;"> Larry Rivers' legs sculpture in Sag Harbor</span></a> that got all the local blue hairs in a twist, diming the sculpture to Code Enforcement and getting it removed.<br />
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Now it's Westhampton Beach's turn to have a holy conniption over the one thing that might actually make Westhampton Beach interesting to visit again.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NrcrnJndeuw/U5cRlosaWoI/AAAAAAAAAYc/0ynryq3VAqw/s1600/Hamptons.WalkingMan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NrcrnJndeuw/U5cRlosaWoI/AAAAAAAAAYc/0ynryq3VAqw/s1600/Hamptons.WalkingMan.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo: VICTORALCORN.COM</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
This is "Walking Man," a 30-foot aluminum sculpture by New York-based artist Donald Baechler. The sculpture was erected in the roundabout located near Westhampton's Gabreski airport, a sort of welcome committee for those who get off the County Road 31 exit on Sunrise Highway.<br />
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It's "Peanuts" meets Jeff Koons, in our Joe-the-Plumber approach to art appreciation.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KTO3RYfF1Fg/U5cShOdi77I/AAAAAAAAAYk/ENCh3z5c2ok/s1600/Hamptons.JeffKoons.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KTO3RYfF1Fg/U5cShOdi77I/AAAAAAAAAYk/ENCh3z5c2ok/s1600/Hamptons.JeffKoons.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Balloon Dog" by Jeff Koons</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The installation was made possible by a commission from Rechler Equity Partners, the development company that is doing a lot more landscape-altering shit to the Hamptons than this walking Charlie Brown character rising up out of the middle of an air force base. But no matter, the residents are in a tizzy and they want it taken down.<br />
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Describing the sculpture as "ugly" and "in your face," one resident in the<span style="color: #38761d;"> <a href="http://nypost.com/2014/06/08/hamptons-residents-wants-statue-to-take-a-hike/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">New York Post article from Taylor Vecsey of the East Hampton Star</span></a> </span>even volunteered to donate a crane and wrecking ball. Slow down, Rob Swanson Jr. We all know there hasn't been a wrecking ball in the Hamptons in some time and all you contractors have the foreclosure proceedings to prove it!<br />
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Which brings us to our finest point. In his stand-up routine Lewis Black talks about how small towns ought to build a "big fucking thing." Doesn't matter what it is, so long as it's big, and it's a fucking thing. Because everyone will drive out to see the big fucking thing, and then want to spend the night, which will lead to a Big Fucking Thing Hotel, and then a Big Fucking Thing-themed restaurant, a Big Fucking Thing Spa! And that's how you stimulate the economy.<br />
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Ever stop to consider, Westhampton, that this might be your big fucking thing?<br />
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"Where is the public forum?" wrote Cynthia McAvoy Schunk on the Westhampton Chamber of Commerce Facebook page.<br />
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Oh shut up, Westhampton.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/4oq_1KdZIsM" width="420"></iframe>Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-66773636234740787302014-06-10T13:42:00.000-04:002014-06-10T13:42:28.234-04:00Is Irma Herzog Really Renting The DASH Space For Free?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-K81-hsK_uLE/UN6PPOBNaVI/AAAAAAAAAS8/DrK1CPK4E8s/s1600/Hippie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-K81-hsK_uLE/UN6PPOBNaVI/AAAAAAAAAS8/DrK1CPK4E8s/s1600/Hippie.jpg" /></a></div>
We're not sure if this could possibly be true, but <a href="http://pagesix.com/2014/06/09/hamptonites-irate-after-kourtney-kardashian-skimps-on-tip/?utm_campaign=SocialFlow&utm_source=P6Facebook&utm_medium=SocialFlow" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">Page Six is reporting</span> (</a>while in the process of reporting a silly non-story about Kourtney Kardashian not tipping the wait staff at the Driver's Seat) that the Kardashians are renting their space from Driver's Seat owner Irma Herzog for free.<br />
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Is this true? Man, that's some hippie shit right there. We're going to try and reach out to Herzog for comment, but that would seem like an odd business strategy. Sure having them there brings foot traffic to the Driver's Seat for hungry stalkers, but renting out an entire space on Jobs Lane for nary a dime? How could she swing that?<br />
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Let us know if there's any truth to this, or if the New York Post is doing what the New York Post is good at doing. Making shit up.<br />
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As for the main part of the story: in all likelihood, if they were filming a scene for their stupid show, the production staff probably handled the bill and tip, so that whoever was being shot in the scene didn't have to reach into their wallet and go through all the rigmarole. Calm down people.Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-31709494376403340512014-06-10T09:00:00.000-04:002014-06-10T09:20:42.766-04:00How Many Dead? So Sad. Hey, Buy My Album!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FNX02xUVtf4/U5X-n5ozSpI/AAAAAAAAAYM/awEOgXdpTMg/s1600/Hamptons.Weiskopf.6.2014.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FNX02xUVtf4/U5X-n5ozSpI/AAAAAAAAAYM/awEOgXdpTMg/s1600/Hamptons.Weiskopf.6.2014.jpg" height="212" width="320" /></a></div>
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File this one under "unimpressed releases." We want you to meet Michael Weiskopf. If there is a poor man's Bob Dylan, Michael Weiskopf is that person's poor man. Oh the plight of musicians; they grind it out for years hoping to get their big break. Fortunately the internet has provided a myriad of opportunities to expose that desperation. It's hard to draw attention to your work. And when the going gets tough, the tough capitalize on mass murder in the form of a badly written press release to increase SEO, draw people searching for information on the crime and get them to check out your latest song that's loosely related to gun violence.<br />
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What? Isn't that what they do?<br />
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So Michael Weiskopf, whose<span style="color: #38761d;"> <a href="http://www.michaelweiskopf.com/" target="_blank">website is here</a></span>, wrote a song in the wake of the Sandy Hook massacre called "Guns Don't Kill." From what we've gathered after spending literally dozens of seconds researching this guy is that he's based out of the Hamptons. His website is created by Hamptons Web Design, and he has radio appearances centered out east.<br />
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Today, he accidentally decided to promote his music with this headlined release: <i><a href="http://www.digitaljournal.com/pr/1972421" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">"Latest Shooting Underscores New Anti-NRA Rant." </span></a></i><br />
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OK, first: calling your song a "rant" is probably not the best tactic. Secondly, the lead graf calls attention to the recent shooting in "Santa Monica."<br />
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On May 23, a young man in Isla Vista, Cal. went on a shooting and stabbing spree reportedly because he kept striking out with women. Whatever the matter, he senselessly took six lives and wounded a number of others before finally turning the gun on himself. He committed this crime near UC Santa Barbara and one of his targets was a sorority house off campus.<br />
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Santa Barbara. Not Santa Monica. Which is not that bad of a mistake unless you're writing this press release as your attempt to mark your solidarity and empathy for the victims. Oh wait.<br />
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Then there's this to consider. One year ago this week, there WAS a<span style="color: #38761d;"> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2013_Santa_Monica_shooting" target="_blank">mass shooting in Santa Monica</a>,</span> where another six people were killed, (including the shooter) making it entirely plausible that this "gaffe" was in fact, no mistake, but a press release that was repurposed and sent out again in the wake of the Santa Barbara killings.<br />
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So you're capitalizing on TWO mass murders? And you don't even have the decency of a proofreader to make sure your opportunism isn't so transparent?<br />
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Oh self-promotion: I love you. Oh Hamptons: I love you more!<br />
<br />Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-62237556840517388502014-06-09T09:00:00.000-04:002014-06-09T09:00:07.978-04:00New Polls, New Polls!!Our <strike>wildly successful</strike> poll section has been updated for the first time in a long time.<br />
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Our questions:<br />
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1: How many bimbos will stalk the outside of "Dash" (the Kardashian's new mafia front) to snap a selfie this weekend?<br />
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2: What type of events would you mark your calendars for this summer?<br />
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Take our poll and we'll add up the results. Or, you know. Ignore our poll and be like the remaining 7.1358 billion people on Earth.<br />
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<br />Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-33698464707722467452014-06-08T09:00:00.000-04:002014-06-08T09:00:05.928-04:00Why Can't 'DASH' Go Through What Bookhampton Is Going Through?<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sxRh-FixhkE/U4-SWR-jo6I/AAAAAAAAAXE/tMhSKshHPSc/s1600/Hamptons.Bookhampton.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sxRh-FixhkE/U4-SWR-jo6I/AAAAAAAAAXE/tMhSKshHPSc/s1600/Hamptons.Bookhampton.jpg" height="214" width="320" /></a>Oh, this damn illiterate country. There's something just gut-cringing and teeth-gnashing about witnessing first-hand as people who either haven't earned, or don't deserve financial success celebrating their windfall, while earnest people have to beg in the streets.<br />
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And that's just what booksellers across America are doing. Recently the New York Times published an article on the absolute endangered species that bookstores in Manhattan have become, as each one falls victim to the $40,000 per month rent vs. two people bought something this week paradigm. In Manhattan, bookstores are down by 60%.<br />
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We initially rejoiced when Borders went belly-up, thinking that this would reopen the market to independent, mom-and-pops stores. No. People just don't read anymore. That's an overstatement, but you get the point. You know there is a cultural brain drain when it comes to the written word when Snooki's novel outsells Cormac McCarthy and Toni Morrison. It seems "You've Got Mail" only got it half-right. Perhaps the chain stores were our enemy in the late 90s, but a greater enemy seems to be our complete antipathy toward the written word unless it has been ghost written for movie stars and reality TV bimbos.<br />
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Which is why we are not surprised, but greatly saddened to receive this plea from the owner of Bookhampton, Charline Spektor:<br />
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<i>Dear Friends and Neighbors and BookLovers: </i><br />
<br />
<i>The most wonderful part of owning BookHampton has been the discovery of </i><br />
<i>new books and the camaraderie of fellow readers. The saddest part is the </i><br />
<i>awareness that all things, even those we cherish most, have days that are </i><br />
<i>numbered. </i><br />
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<i>The frozen Winter and this very chilly Spring caught BookHampton in a </i><br />
<i>grip that has brought us to our knees. We’re fighting to have one more </i><br />
<i>Summer, and not to be bowed by the writing on the wall that forced our </i><br />
<i>colleagues to close their doors. In NYC alone: Coliseum Books, Gotham, </i><br />
<i>Endicott, Shakespeare & Co., Murder Ink, the lovely Madison Avenue </i><br />
<i>Bookshop, the incomparable Books & Co., BN Lincoln Center and now </i><br />
<i>Rizzoli – all gone. </i><br />
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<i>A good friend asked if there’s anything that we can do to hold on to </i><br />
<i>BookHampton. As I tried to find one more answer, the brilliant metaphor of </i><br />
<i>the great writer Anne LaMott came to mind. “My brother,” she wrote in </i><br />
<i>Bird by Bird, “was trying to get a report on birds written that he'd had three </i><br />
<i>months to write. It was due the next day… he was at the kitchen table close </i><br />
<i>to tears… immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead. Then my father </i><br />
<i>sat down beside him, put his arm around my brother's shoulder, and said, </i><br />
<i>'Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.'" </i><br />
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<i>So here then is my answer and a heartfelt request: Could you please help us </i><br />
<i>take on the enormous challenge of saving BookHampton book by book. If </i><br />
<i>every one of our friends, neighbors, and booklovers would be so kind as to </i><br />
<i>buy one book today, it would make a true and immediate difference: </i><br />
<i>bookhampton@bookhampton.com </i><br />
<br />
<i>Please take a moment to order just one book right now from BookHampton </i><br />
<i>Any book at all. bookhampton@bookhampton.com </i><br />
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<i>Tell us the book you’re looking for or let us make a great recommendation. </i><br />
<i>We’ll hold it in store or ship it anywhere! </i><br />
<i>Email: bookhampton@bookhampton.com </i><br />
<i>Or call us : (631) 324-4939 or (631) 488-5953. </i><br />
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<i>BookHampton is the literary cornerstone of our community; </i><br />
<i>the beach, the farms, and this bookstore enrich all our lives </i><br />
<i>and nourish our souls. </i><br />
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<i>Thank you, in advance, for taking the time today to save BookHampton </i><br />
<i>book by book. </i><br />
<br />
<i>Charline </i><br />
<i> and Chris, Billy, Kim, Taylor, Mary, Sarah, Greg, Kate, Ken </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
But, you know. Go ahead and shop at DASH. The Kardashians could use the money.<br />
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Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-79599419462381846482014-06-07T18:37:00.000-04:002014-06-07T18:37:00.413-04:00Pub Crawls Made Easier With Hamptons Hopper?<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5Dx8JCZIlhs/U4-flNl7zkI/AAAAAAAAAXU/FJsEs9y_IbI/s1600/Hamptons.Hopper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5Dx8JCZIlhs/U4-flNl7zkI/AAAAAAAAAXU/FJsEs9y_IbI/s1600/Hamptons.Hopper.jpg" /></a>This summer the Hamptons will be graced with an alternative to Pink Tuna and the Hampton Jitney. Some whippersnapper entrepreneurs have come up with the Hamptons Hopper, a new venture designed to ferry drunk and self-important Abercrombie models to all the night spots from Montauk to Hampton Bays.<br />
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Using converted school buses (we can't wait to see the fashionistas try to look cool getting on the small bus), the Hamptons Hopper buses are painted green and boast air conditioning, lounge seating and plugins for iPhones.<br />
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In fact, the whole venture is very tech-savvy. Of course, like any business in the Hamptons, you can't just get on the friggin thing; you have to have a "membership," which starts at $20 and your membership card is basically showing the driver your iPhone.<br />
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In June, Hamptons Hopper plans to launch an iPhone App that allows you to track when and where the next small bus is heading your drunken way.<br />
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They're also hiring. <a href="http://longisland.craigslist.org/fbh/4490457113.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">On Board Ambassadors</span></a>, for one, which is a dick title. You'd be more like a stewardess catering to 20-something booze floozies, but it's a living.<br />
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Planning to ride this new bus? Send us pictures and let us know if it's worth the membership. In the meantime, check out their <a href="http://www.hamptonhopper.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">website</span></a> and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/hamptonhopper" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">Facebook page</span></a>.<br />
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To be fair, I was sort of with this idea until I read: <i>"<span style="background-color: white; font-family: proxima-nova; font-size: 17px; line-height: 32px; text-align: justify;">You will have access to some complimentary refreshments. Most importantly, you’ll meet a whole bunch of other intelligent and incredibly good-looking members at our stops and on our Hopper vehicles!"</span></i><br />
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What would a new Hamptons venture be without channeling its inner Derek Zoolander? Answer: one you didn't want to punch in the dick.Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-47062094716726355952014-06-06T09:00:00.000-04:002014-06-06T09:00:05.609-04:00Kardashian's Landlord Hounded For Trying To Earn A BuckSo once again we are faced with the completely illogical phenomenon that is the Kardashians. Specifically we're referring to how successful their TV show is, despite the fact that seemingly the whole world wants them to pretty much die.<br />
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Fresh off <strike>totally reliable news outlet </strike><span style="color: #38761d;"> <a href="http://pagesix.com/2014/06/04/hamptons-landlord-under-fire-for-renting-to-kardashians/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">Page Six of the New York Post, the villagers of Southampton are sharpening their pitchforks</span></a> </span>and lighting their torches to snuff out Irma Herzog. Her crime? Not responsibly going on welfare for the greater good of Keeping Out With the Kardashians. Herzog is the owner of The Driver's Seat and apparently the space adjacent to the long-standing eatery, which she rented out to the Kardashian girls for their pop-up store "Dash," which they'll be running for the duration of their reality TV show: <i>"Muppets Take The Hamptons." </i><br />
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Come on. Girl gotta eat.<br />
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Ever since word got out that Herzog dared to make a buck by leasing the space, she's been the subject of "harassment and torment," according to the article, which also quoted Jerry Della Femina, who oddly enough didn't blame Obama for the rented space. "She should be brought up on charges," said Della Femina, the Hamptons' resident right-wing lunatic. Suddenly he's anti-capitalism. Funny how that works.<br />
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[Hand raised]<br />
-Yes, Hamptonyte Blog, do you have a question?<br />
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HB: We do...um...did the people of Southampton honestly think the entire production, public relations, advertising and network team that runs the Kardashian TV franchise would just pack up their trailers and cameras and leave because they couldn't find a place to rent?<br />
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-Yes, Hamptonyte Blog, yes, they apparently did.<br />
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[Face palm]<br />
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SIDEBAR:<br />
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We don't watch any of the Kardashian shows, so could someone tell us if Kourtney has trouble walking or something? Why is it that every picture of the two girls in the Hamptons shows Khloe leading her sister around like a pet Orangutan?<br />
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Observe:<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LjIx832aZr4/U5DOP4GelUI/AAAAAAAAAX4/uO-G2f7sbv4/s1600/Hamptons.Kard1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LjIx832aZr4/U5DOP4GelUI/AAAAAAAAAX4/uO-G2f7sbv4/s1600/Hamptons.Kard1.png" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mhD0AHMbZzY/U5DOP_1AVcI/AAAAAAAAAX0/NrGEwrHMRc0/s1600/Hamptons.Kard2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mhD0AHMbZzY/U5DOP_1AVcI/AAAAAAAAAX0/NrGEwrHMRc0/s1600/Hamptons.Kard2.png" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i><br /></i>Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-60529944410820127252014-06-05T13:25:00.002-04:002014-06-05T13:25:42.460-04:00Note To Hipsters At Ruschmeyers: Drink Up Quick!<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m_KZ6BsAsd0/U5Cn5PVSKRI/AAAAAAAAAXk/1EnOjtKGvMI/s1600/Hamptons.Ruschmeyers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m_KZ6BsAsd0/U5Cn5PVSKRI/AAAAAAAAAXk/1EnOjtKGvMI/s1600/Hamptons.Ruschmeyers.jpg" height="320" width="229" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Credit: Trip Advisor</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Why? According to<a href="http://nypost.com/2014/06/04/hamptons-hotelier-sues-liquor-board-over-noise-complaint/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;"> this article in the New York Post</span></a>, your favorite unwashed but actually privileged watering hole in Montauk is losing its liquor license tomorrow!<br />
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According to reports, the owner, Ed Scheetz, is fighting $7,500 worth of noise ordinance fines stemming from the late night revelry going on in the joint. If he doesn't pony up the cash by June 6, his license will be pulled.<br />
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Let's see that gives you 1 to 2 hours to ride your bikes there, minus roughly 30 minutes of beard grooming in the bathroom, minus 18 minutes of accumulated selfie time, less Tweets and Instagram posts. Yeah, about 7 to 8 hours of quality ironic drinking and Pabst Blue Ribbon.<br />
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Also, fuck noise ordinances. Also, fuck Hamptons residents who fail to realize that if it was quiet out there, they'd be on welfare year-round.Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-28066056630842500362014-06-05T09:00:00.000-04:002014-06-05T09:00:08.386-04:00Hamptons Architect Sentenced In Child Porn Case<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Call him creepier than your average pedophile, which is quite an accomplishment. Jay Lockett Sears, the architect who reportedly designed homes in the Hamptons for Michael J. Fox and Clint Eastwood among others, was sentenced a few day ago for his nastly little child pornography photoshopping habit.<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MFhvg3RXFw8/U49JmUK0LwI/AAAAAAAAAW0/j1vFMw5UtdA/s1600/Hamptons.JaySears.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MFhvg3RXFw8/U49JmUK0LwI/AAAAAAAAAW0/j1vFMw5UtdA/s1600/Hamptons.JaySears.jpg" /></a><br />
Photoshopping, you say? Yeah, apparently this creepster with a Mark Twain-Tom Wolfe-Santa Claus fetish vibe, was taking pictures of kids in public and then photoshopping himself and other adults into the harmless photo, making it, yeah...really not harmless anymore. Yick. This strikes us here at Hamptonyte as oddly creepier than a guy in a van with fists full of candy.<br />
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In either event, Sears was sentenced to six months house arrest and five years probation,<span style="color: #38761d;"> </span><span style="color: #38761d;"><a href="http://www.dailyjournal.net/view/story/f5e7f2e0a18647dd9d97f38486d1571f/NY--Celebrity-Architect-Child-Porn/#.U4882SxOXIU" target="_blank">according to the Associate Press.</a></span><br />
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Looks like the judge was on his own "Mission of Kindness." See what I did there? For background, check out<span style="color: #38761d;"> </span><a href="http://westhampton-hamptonbays.patch.com/groups/police-and-fire/p/jay-lockett-sears-faces-child-porn-charge-community-shocked" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">this article by Erica Jackson at the Westhampton-Hampton Bays Patch</span></a>, back when there was an Erica Jackson at Westhampton-Hampton Bays Patch. Or any Patch for that matter. The best is the closing quote from Vincent Cinque, who had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Angel's Wings back in the 5th grade.<br />
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"When he came to talk to us back in elementary school, he was just plain creepy," he said.<br />
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Creepy? What gave it away? The all white suits? The wings? The Cheshire grin? The cane? The camera snapping away pictures of girls at beach parties? What shocked us here at Hamptonyte is that anyone could see this guy around and NOT think he's a pedophile.Yes, we're shocked by people's shock.<br />
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On the bright side, if you're looking for an architect in the Hamptons, we know one who'll be home every day until December. Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-41753861096620910002014-06-04T13:04:00.003-04:002014-06-04T13:04:30.243-04:00The Last 24, Kardashian StyleSo we are Jack's complete lack of surprise as far as the Kardashians filming a reality show in the Hamptons this summer, which is why we've been quiet about it. It will always baffle us how many people hate the Kardashian family, the brand, the KKK charm of their names, everything the Kardashians do or say or marry or fuck or shop for or rent out. Recent reports say that some realtors and homeowners wouldn't rent or represent the Kardashian girls when their producers were house-hunting for the show. Okay, so we all collectively agree they're wretched people and culturally reject them. Then why in Sam's friggin hell do they continue to have a successful show? If we hate them, why are we watching them? Why have they not fallen onto the ash heap of history?<br />
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One of life's mysteries. Anyhoo, for all the hate, there sure is some Twitter buzz already about these dopey broads. Dana Shaw for the win:
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en">
The Kardashians are at 75 Main. This is me in front of 75 Main. <a href="http://t.co/Onn4XLaSS4">pic.twitter.com/Onn4XLaSS4</a><br />
— Dana Shaw (@DanaShawPress) <a href="https://twitter.com/DanaShawPress/statuses/473904472012652544">June 3, 2014</a></blockquote>
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Chloe Foerster for the loss:
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chloe > khloe - but her butt wins. <a href="http://t.co/VSDb0gjFBs">pic.twitter.com/VSDb0gjFBs</a><br />
— chloe foerster (@chloecoolchick) <a href="https://twitter.com/chloecoolchick/statuses/473921884913160192">June 3, 2014</a></blockquote>
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Ducking into doorways much? Not much, much too much.
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en">
Just met Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian 😳🙌 <a href="http://t.co/ntfsxUCN6S">pic.twitter.com/ntfsxUCN6S</a><br />
— natalie acosta (@natalie_acostaa) <a href="https://twitter.com/natalie_acostaa/statuses/473899982756802560">June 3, 2014</a></blockquote>
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Natalie also wants us to know she shopped at DASH, the Kardashian's totally unscripted for real, just happened to be opening anyway and the producers showed up - storefront next to the Driver's Seat in Southampton.<br />
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And, finally, the predictable, I was skeptical of the Kardashians, but now they meet my approval nobody needs, Tweet:
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en">
Just stopped by Dash in Southampton and I liked some of items. <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23hamptons&src=hash">#hamptons</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23nottrashy&src=hash">#nottrashy</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23Kardashians&src=hash">#Kardashians</a> <a href="http://t.co/aJqDYugf70">pic.twitter.com/aJqDYugf70</a><br />
— Hamptons Mouthpiece (@HamptonsMPiece) <a href="https://twitter.com/HamptonsMPiece/statuses/473537590801354752">June 2, 2014</a></blockquote>
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Boy I can really feel the hate. Grow some, America!
Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-21505868997125684142014-04-07T15:16:00.001-04:002014-04-07T15:17:02.971-04:00The Last 24 - April 7<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-r6lGWRK0lqA/TDuCe_FMypI/AAAAAAAAAHU/UNJq8jNnvYs/s1600/ParrishArtMuseum.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-r6lGWRK0lqA/TDuCe_FMypI/AAAAAAAAAHU/UNJq8jNnvYs/s1600/ParrishArtMuseum.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a>Here's a look at some of what's going or has gone on in the Hamptons in the past 24 hours.<br />
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<b>Jazz At The Plaza Cafe</b><br />
Starting April 11, the Plaza Cafe in Southampton Village will be hosting live jazz music every Friday evening. The musical interlude is free of charge. First up in this new series: Pianist Jane Hastay and saxophonist Ada Rovatti. Plaza Cafe is located at 61 Hill Street. Hey, shouldn't a place located in Hill Street be hosting blues instead? Hill Street Blues? See what I did there?<br />
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<b>History From Corwin's Jewelers</b><br />
According to Corwin's Jewelers on Main Street, yesterday was the 400th Anniversary of the marriage of John Rolfe and Pocahontas, presumably the first interracial relationship in American history. And I hear their sex life is still very robust, despite the smell!<br />
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<b>BookHampton's Newsletter</b><br />
BookHampton in East Hampton has announced they're accepting submissions from kids who wrote a book review to appear in its new newsletter, by kids, for kids. Not sure how to start one? BookHampton will provide kid with "prompts" to help get their ideas started. For more information, check out the<a href="http://bookhampton.com/new-bookkid-newsletter/" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;"> flier and prompts here. </span></a><br />
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<b>Calling All High School Students</b><br />
The East Hampton Library is launching its new Teen Advisory Board for young adults who wish to have a say in what goes on at the public library. The advisory board is also a great way for students to satisfy their community service requirements for graduation. The first meeting of the TAB is scheduled for Sunday, April 13.<br />
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<b>LEGO Freaks: Rejoice!</b><br />
The newest LEGO are on the shelves at Steph's Stuff on Newtown Lane in East Hampton. Head down there now. And if you're over the age of 8: leave your dignity at home!<br />
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<br />Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-91207356845498409212013-12-12T16:07:00.001-05:002014-04-07T15:22:29.865-04:00Dan's Pumps Up Local Authors<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xCwPOC0Edww/UqoleWCQxjI/AAAAAAAAAWA/Sq-5Obp4qSo/s1600/LocalAuthors.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xCwPOC0Edww/UqoleWCQxjI/AAAAAAAAAWA/Sq-5Obp4qSo/s320/LocalAuthors.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
Still smarting from<span style="color: #38761d;"> <a href="http://danspapers.com/2013/08/authors-night-concludes-in-east-hampton-with-stars-smiling/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">literary events getting hijacked</span></a> </span>by movie stars with ghost-written cookbooks, to quote Jay McInerney?<br />
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Just a few short months after the East Hampton Library's 9 Annual Authors Night, which <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/13/gwyneth-paltrow-cookbook_n_3749354.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">looked more like Black Friday at Walmart USA</span></a> when Gwyneth Paltrow and Alec Baldwin showed up, Dan's Papers put together a nicely researched poster of local authors whose books might make for some stocking stuffers.<br />
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Oliver Peterson drafted<a href="http://danspapers.com/2013/12/hamptons-gift-guide-5-picks-for-readers-and-writers/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #6aa84f;"> "5 Picks For Readers and Writers,"</span> </a>and it was impressive not only to see some of the old guard (Steinbeck, Vonnegut) but that serious contemporary writers got a mention. Kaylie Jones' novels "Speak Now" and "A Soldier's Daughter Never Cries" features along with Hilary Thayer Hamann, whose novel "Anthropology of an American Girl" saw more resurrections than an episode of AMC's "Walking Dead."<br />
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Jones used to teach at Southampton College and continued on as a professor in the MFA in Creative Writing program when Stony Brook University took over the campus. Not sure if she's still there, but she recently stinted as the editor of <span style="color: #38761d;"><a href="http://www.akashicbooks.com/subject/noir-series/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">Akashic's Noir series</span></a> </span>where she contributed a short story based in the Hamptons. Translation: her Hamptons ties run deep, unlike some others we won't mention. (Ahem--tomwolfe-Ahem) Excuse us.<br />
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AWESOME: Not seeing Nelson Demille's cover on the tapestry<br />
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NOT AWESOME: Seeing Dan Rattiner's "In The Hamptons" on the tapestry. Come'on, man. I know he's your boss and all, but...<br />
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ALSO...surprised to see James Frey on the tapestry, as I had no idea he spent any time in the Hamptons. Good for him. (Always thought he got a raw deal over the whole Oprah thing. There's truth and then there's emotional truth.)Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-32365389342870101702013-12-09T17:19:00.002-05:002013-12-09T17:19:41.101-05:00The Most Ridiculous Help Wanted Ads Pt. 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cGd9hUlgMIg/TNnBPVZNo_I/AAAAAAAAAI8/9x4aagRtHmg/s1600/badboss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cGd9hUlgMIg/TNnBPVZNo_I/AAAAAAAAAI8/9x4aagRtHmg/s1600/badboss.jpg" /></a></div>
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We're chronicling some of the most corporate-inspired lines of BS to ever find its way into a job description or title.<span style="color: #cc0000;"> <a href="http://hamptonyte.blogspot.com/2013/12/the-most-ridiculous-help-wanted-ads-pt-1.html" target="_blank">Last week we brought you the "Educator" position at Lululemon</a>. </span>This week's installment includes Nike's bizarre job title for its openings in Riverhead and Deer Park.<br />
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<a href="http://www.bright.com/pathv2/index?pid=sidebarv5&break=1&kw=nike+careers&q=nike&tm=b&wn=s&rc=26623582890&gclid=CLuNmumTpLsCFdBlOgodOXMAMQ&utm_source=adwords#!" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">Nike Seasonal Athlete.</span></a><br />
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Athlete? Will Nike be sponsoring my long jump? Are they looking for someone to wear their shirts at the Winter Olympics?<br />
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You wish. No, the Athlete is what they call the people who stock the shelves and ring up customer purchases. Or as we used to call them: stock boys and cashiers.<br />
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Nike Athlete. A position that holds firmly to the optimistic notion that the young people we're targeting don't read past the headline.Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-80361953695145196662013-12-03T17:10:00.000-05:002013-12-03T17:10:58.245-05:00The Most Ridiculous Help Wanted Ads Pt. 1<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cGd9hUlgMIg/TNnBPVZNo_I/AAAAAAAAAI8/9x4aagRtHmg/s1600/badboss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cGd9hUlgMIg/TNnBPVZNo_I/AAAAAAAAAI8/9x4aagRtHmg/s1600/badboss.jpg" /></a>Here at Hamptonyte we pride ourselves on our continued unemployment because it permits us the delicious advantage of reading the most amazing help wanted ads and job descriptions this side of Goebbels. We also realize our unemployment is the direct result of that "karma" <strike>Bruce Buschel </strike><a href="http://hamptonyte.blogspot.com/2013/01/did-bruce-buschels-douche-chills.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">an anonymous commenter left with us on our blog post about Southfork Kitchens going belly up. </span></a><br />
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Did you know you can be a Sandwich Artist in East Hampton? Sign me up! Also, if you apply for that job try not to be shocked when they hand you an apron and tell you to make sandwiches for people who come up to the counter during lunch time. Or, as you might know them: a Deli worker.<br />
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But here's <span style="color: #38761d;"><a href="https://lululemon.taleo.net/careersection/2/jobdetail.ftl?job=109684" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">one classic example from Indeed posted by East Hampton yoga and clothing studio lululemon athletic</span></a>a</span> (we don't know why they lower case their store name, but the Hamptonsdouche is so strong in this post that we felt compelled to follow suit.)<br />
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They're looking for an Educator.<br />
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An educator? They're holding classes there?<br />
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No.<br />
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Apparently that's what they call their cash register people. Note:<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><i>"Their main role is to effectively educate our guests on the fabrics, features, fit and function of our product, our culture and the communities we belong to. By educating guests we empower them to make decisions for themselves based on the facts that we offer them. By doing this, the guesswork is taken out of shopping for customers, and a ‘Wow! It’s You!’ guest experience is created, leaving customers with the knowledge to educate others on behalf of lululemon athletica."</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><i><br /></i></span>
Wow, it's you!<br />
Wow, what horseshit!<br />
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Seriously, who writes this stuff? It goes on and on like this before they finally get down to brass tax and tell you that you'll need a High School Diploma and a good mop. Also, you'll need a "strong personal sense of style," which means you'll be judged by a panel of salad eating designer monkeys at the interview so make sure your ish is tight.<br />
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We don't want them all choking on their vitamin water now do we?<br />
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Yes. Yes we do.<br />
<br />Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-51891410930422983342013-02-17T01:12:00.000-05:002013-02-17T01:12:01.556-05:00Hilaria Thomas teaches Yoga like her husband speaks to 'Moss.' (Allegedly)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QTrRpGEG4LE/USByL6-oWZI/AAAAAAAAAVI/PvzhiXzrT4s/s1600/Hilaria.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QTrRpGEG4LE/USByL6-oWZI/AAAAAAAAAVI/PvzhiXzrT4s/s1600/Hilaria.jpg" /></a></div>
So says a recent <a href="http://wonderwall.msn.com/tv/alec-baldwins-pregnant-wife-sued-over-yoga-class-1735581.story" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">civil suit filed in a Manhattan court yesterday</span></a> by a man who claimed he suffered "serious injury" and "emotional upset" after attending one of Hilaria's apparently hard-core yoga classes.<br />
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According to the suit, filed by Spencer Wolff, the injury was not caused by his own freakish ability to actually get injured while lying on the ground holding your leg in the air, but by the "negligence" of Alec's wife. Also, he claims, the class was overcrowded, which contributed to the horrific carnage at Yoga Vida last month. <br />
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We think she might have said something like:<br />
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"You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker, you can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit?"<br />
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Glengarry references aside, as much as our reflexes would tell us to quickly smack anyone in Manhattan named "Spencer Wolff," we'll have to see what comes of the suit. <br />
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Mostly, we can't wait to hear how <em>Dan's Papers</em> plans to spin this one. It might even cause us serious injury. Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-80094642772156087942013-02-03T16:38:00.003-05:002013-02-03T16:41:17.396-05:00Not just a failure in business, a failure in life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DNu2VLpZMUQ/UQ7YfICOgXI/AAAAAAAAAU4/p3Oaz-FSM7E/s1600/Failure.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="201" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DNu2VLpZMUQ/UQ7YfICOgXI/AAAAAAAAAU4/p3Oaz-FSM7E/s320/Failure.bmp" width="251" /></a></div>
We're more than just curious about the mental processes of whoever posted <a href="http://longisland.craigslist.org/sls/3444756652.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">this Craigslist ad</span></a> looking for a "Millionaire Mentor," we're curious if anyone responded!<br />
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<em>"I am a failure in my professional career and need to reinvent myself and get my head screwed on straight,"</em> the ad laments. It's so full of self-loathing and so unclear in specifics <em>("I have no direction or focus and need to be put on the right track")</em> that it reads less like a Help Wanted ad and more like a search term for a good dominatrix.<br />
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Poor creature. We don't know a lot of millionaires, but we'd venture to guess that most would never want to work with someone who describes themselves in such terms as this ad. <br />
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Then again, times are tough for everyone. Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-62006713201753969942013-01-29T16:55:00.001-05:002013-01-29T16:55:05.538-05:00Did Bruce Buschel's douche chills contribute to his shuttered restaurant?<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EzR-QyiWsgI/TUzjJ510PJI/AAAAAAAAALM/rGVJWEltIXc/s1600/brucebuschel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ea="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EzR-QyiWsgI/TUzjJ510PJI/AAAAAAAAALM/rGVJWEltIXc/s1600/brucebuschel.jpg" /></a></div>
We'd like to think so, and so do the good folks at <a href="http://hamptons.curbed.com/places/south-fork-kitchen" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">Curbed Hamptons, who reported</span></a> a few weeks ago that Buschel's Southfork Kitchens on the Bridgehampton Turnpike is up for sale for $3.8m. <br />
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Buschel,<span style="color: red;"> </span><a href="http://hamptonyte.blogspot.com/2011/02/bruce-buschels-special-whine.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">no stranger to this blog</span></a><span style="color: #38761d;">,</span> is somehow a complete stranger to the idea that shitting on your target demographic often makes your target demographic suddenly hungry for McDonalds. Although, in fairness to Buschel, McDonalds is probably where Buschel figured his demographic eats anyway. <br />
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Buschel is a rare and interesing character in that, it's rare for people to want to see someone's dreams battered like Private Pyle in Full Metal Jacket, yet <a href="http://hamptons.curbed.com/archives/2012/12/22/southfork_kitchen_has_been_put_up_for_sale_asks_385m.php#reader_comments" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">sooo many people</span></a> wanted to see that with him (peep the comments in the link). It's rare for someone to see their dream fulfilled and then completely undermine it by <a href="http://hamptonyte.blogspot.com/2011/02/hamptons-restauranteur-gets-ugly-with.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">publicly attacking his own patrons in all his <em>New York Times</em></span></a>-contributing what-the-fuckery. It's rare for a New York entrepreneur to be so vaginally thin-skinned as to respond to relatively obscure blogs that criticize said what-the-fuckery, and it's rare for a massive amount of people to take glee in someone else's demise. Yet that is what Buschel and all the douche chills he invokes, has done. <br />
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Look at it this way: his restaurant closing is the equivalent of people saying 'I would rather starve than eat at your place.' Ah Buschel. The douche is strong in this one.<br />
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So Southfork Kitchens has shuttered. And that's a good thing. And Buschel may walk away with $3.8 million. And that's a bad thing.<br />
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See. We don't even want you to have money! Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-21182478175844941782013-01-26T15:17:00.000-05:002013-01-26T15:17:54.134-05:00What's with all the horror films in the Hamptons?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YR9Dj6fCLXE/UQQ5kqPq_II/AAAAAAAAAUo/h-KolZNN-Zc/s1600/screammovie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YR9Dj6fCLXE/UQQ5kqPq_II/AAAAAAAAAUo/h-KolZNN-Zc/s320/screammovie.jpg" width="278" /></a></div>
We know it's a horrible place,<span style="color: red;"> </span><a href="http://hamptonyte.blogspot.com/2011/06/nytimes-profiles-most-transparent.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">full of fameballs</span></a>,<span style="color: red;"> </span><a href="http://hamptonyte.blogspot.com/2012/09/jill-zarin-proves-even-in-reality-show.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">loud-mouths</span></a>, <a href="http://hamptonyte.blogspot.com/2013/01/hamptons-deer-population-sick-of.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">vengeful deers</span></a>, <a href="http://danshamptons.com/article/the-scoop/the-scoop/two-whales-beached-in-east-hampton-town/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">suicidal whales</span></a>, <a href="http://hamptonyte.blogspot.com/2010/06/steven-gaines-nothing-from-this-fight.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">dog-poop activists</span></a>, <a href="http://hamptonyte.blogspot.com/2012/08/rule-127-when-commenting-on-blogknow.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">pyramid schemers</span></a>, <a href="http://hamptonyte.blogspot.com/2013/01/sex-offenders-ring-in-new-year-hamptons.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">sex-offenders</span></a> and<a href="http://hamptonyte.blogspot.com/2010/10/how-to-turn-suck-up-in-single-blog-post.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;"> celebrity suck-up ass-wipes</span></a>, but we didn't think it would attract peoples' homicidal fantasies.<br />
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Last month, Hampton Bays was host to <em><a href="http://westhampton-hamptonbays.patch.com/articles/horror-movie-starring-brandi-cyrus-being-shot-in-hampton-bays" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">Old 47</span></a></em><span style="color: #38761d;">,</span> a horror film about Miley Cyrus desiring to put her younger sister through the same bullshit she has to endure. Now another film crew is looking to film "Horror in the Hamptons," by the end of February. <br />
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<a href="http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/tlg/3551287951.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">This Craigslist casting call</span></a> doesn't give much on the plot details, but it could be an opportunity for local actors to <strike>embarass themselves</strike> land a screen role with a SAG-sanctioned film. The call asks for 5 men and 8 women to audition for parts. And, of course, the most important element of any successful actor in the history of acting: you must be good-looking. <br />
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If you're interested and you think you're good-looking enough to be in movies, break a leg. Please. <br />
<br />Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-31453722938360032012013-01-14T06:18:00.000-05:002013-01-14T06:18:54.755-05:00Poet Harvey Shapiro: 1924-2013<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-svTcQ3iWuoQ/UPPpGLlxFrI/AAAAAAAAAUQ/Oj7VzHJ98EU/s1600/HarveyShapiro.1.14.2013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="246" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-svTcQ3iWuoQ/UPPpGLlxFrI/AAAAAAAAAUQ/Oj7VzHJ98EU/s320/HarveyShapiro.1.14.2013.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
We were a little bummed out to learn that noted poet and sometimes East Hampton resident Harvey Shapiro has died. The 88 year old was just a couple weeks shy of his 89th birthday. He was one of the old-school artist yeoman, an editor at multiple print publications and was devoted to letters.<br />
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I had the privilege of meeting Shapiro when he visited Southampton College to read in the mid-1990s. He committed a lot of his poems to memory and was a very open and inviting guest poet. He sat with us as young writers and was not in the least bit condescending. In hindsight, after reading his obituary in the <em><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/08/books/harvey-shapiro-poet-of-new-york-and-beyond-dies-at-88.html?_r=0" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">New York Times</span></a></em> and the <em><a href="http://www.easthamptonstar.com/?q=Obituaries/2013110/Harvey-Shapiro-Poet-and-Editor" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">East Hampton Star</span></a></em>, I'm sort of glad I didn't realize (at 22) how important he was to literature because I probably wouldn't have mustered the courage to speak to him. As it was, we had a great conversation and he left an impression on me.<br />
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The two obits are well done. Give them a read. As for Harvey...thanks for leaving your mark before leaving. Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-48317277714292033342013-01-05T01:00:00.000-05:002013-01-05T01:00:10.131-05:00Sex offenders ring in the New Year: Hamptons Style!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XzbqHLCBf_Y/UOcn_BuLBII/AAAAAAAAAT8/u3v6RzbbCpY/s1600/SexOffender2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="243" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XzbqHLCBf_Y/UOcn_BuLBII/AAAAAAAAAT8/u3v6RzbbCpY/s320/SexOffender2.jpg" width="208" /></a></div>
If you're looking to party with the hottest, sexiest, trendiest sex offenders in the world, look no further than toney Southampton Town! That's right, these totally fabulous fingerers decided to hit the town for New Year's Eve, as their residency in mobile homes parked in Westhampton appear to be staying put into 2013.<br />
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County Executive Steve Bellone was supposed to pass a measure to move them out of Westhampton by year's end, but...<a href="http://www.27east.com/news/article.cfm/General-Interest-Southampton/449257/Sex-Offender-Housing-Remains-After-Year-End-Deadline" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">oops. He totally forgot!</span></a> Now they're here, they're fierce, and they're ready to party it up, Hamptons Style!<br />
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Check out Pat McGroin's definitely 2013 neckware he snagged from the <a href="http://hamptonyte.blogspot.com/2010/05/cynthia-rowley-to-montauk-shut-up-and.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">mannequins at Cynthia Rowley's Montauk Shop. </span></a>Holden McCrotch is absolutely fabulous and forward in this matching popped collar from Ralph Lauren. And he accessorizes! Nothing attracts the kiddies like his candy bracelets from Ralph's fabulously lovely, and totally not entitled princess daughter Dylan!<br />
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So where were these heavy-panting hotties tongueing down the toddlers at midnight on December 31? Our sources don't know. And they'd never kiss and tell...that would be soooo last year!<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dh_ntoJjr_M/UOcn3zpDqqI/AAAAAAAAATw/5-TjBVvao3s/s1600/SexOffender1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="233" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dh_ntoJjr_M/UOcn3zpDqqI/AAAAAAAAATw/5-TjBVvao3s/s320/SexOffender1.jpg" width="217" /></a><br />
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<br />Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-91039073745968767772013-01-04T01:00:00.000-05:002013-01-04T01:00:06.841-05:00Special election to decide if we should save homes built on sand<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Gz46abEmO_Q/TAVhesOf2VI/AAAAAAAAAD4/WKx2zrZvfkU/s1600/MainBeach.Easthampton.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="204" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Gz46abEmO_Q/TAVhesOf2VI/AAAAAAAAAD4/WKx2zrZvfkU/s320/MainBeach.Easthampton.bmp" width="320" /></a>This isn't so much a class warfare piece, because the taxes it would affect are only for those who are directly effected by erosion, but <a href="http://www.newsday.com/long-island/towns/long-island-now-1.1732330/voters-to-decide-on-spending-13m-for-hamptons-beaches-1.4395357" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">Newsday ran an interesting news story</span></a> about a vote coming up in February to decide on two $13 million plus tax levies that would pay for emergency sand drops on properties threatening to wash away in future storms. <br />
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The two votes are for districts in Bridgehampton and Sagaponack, each calling for a little over 13 million in tax increases. <br />
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Question: Where are they getting the sand from?<br />
Answer: Beaches where poor people live.<br />
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OK, now it's a class warfare piece. <br />
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<strong>Unintended hilarity of the story:</strong> the amount of absentee ballots that will need to be sent because the vote is being held in February and rich people don't exist in the Hamptons in February.<br />
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<strong>Right-Wing Jabrone of the story:</strong> This guy-- <em>Snafu803: Of course they should get it. They work hard and everyone is jealous they get nicer things then the average person. Who wants to go to jones beach with all the drunks and city trash. I say close jones beach and give it all to the hamptons where it will be appreciated</em><br />
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<br />Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-24464414158566058892013-01-02T16:12:00.000-05:002013-01-02T16:12:31.902-05:00Hamptons deer population, sick of everybody's shit too<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xTTpJAhU7Uo/UOSiRbLCixI/AAAAAAAAATc/wmcJ-6hsCVk/s1600/CarVsDeer2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xTTpJAhU7Uo/UOSiRbLCixI/AAAAAAAAATc/wmcJ-6hsCVk/s1600/CarVsDeer2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xTTpJAhU7Uo/UOSiRbLCixI/AAAAAAAAATc/wmcJ-6hsCVk/s320/CarVsDeer2.jpg" width="320" /><br />
</a>We've got<a href="http://hamptonyte.blogspot.com/2011/02/east-hampton-angry-it-doesnt-get-to-be.html" target="_blank"> <span style="color: red;">helicopter noise ruining everyone's life</span></a>. We've got <a href="https://twitter.com/HamptonsBorn" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">Twitter accounts documenting</span></a> rich people's problems (which aren't really problems at all). We've got <a href="http://therudehamptons.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">blogs dedicated</span></a> to calling out douchebags for their douchebaggery; we've got the term "citiots." And now...the deer are getting pissed off too. <br />
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And they're droppin' many suckas, one by one. According to <a href="http://www.easthamptonstar.com/?q=Police/20121227/Police-Search-Driver" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">this East Hampton Star report</span></a><span style="color: #38761d;">,</span> the deer out there have turned kamikaze, diving out in front of cars left and right and disabling a 2008 Porshe driven by a person who uses an acronym for a first name. <br />
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<strong>Rule #376: If you use an acronym for your first name, or if you hyphenate your last name and you drive a Porche and it gets crushed by a deer...good!</strong><br />
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A Dodge also got jacked up. One of five other car vs. deer incidents, according to the article. The story led off with a related police report about someone <strike>it was totally a deer</strike> who abandoned a Jeep SUV on the side of the road near Stephen Hands Path. When police arrived at the scene the Jeep had been used as a battering ram for utility poles and trees. They heard a rustling noise in the woods, as though the driver of the vehicle was escaping. No human suspect has been apprehended.<br />
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Lesson to take away: Deers are totally rippin' shit up out there! <br />
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Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-81753809692565473912013-01-01T04:00:00.000-05:002013-01-01T04:00:11.326-05:00David Rattiner: 'Hamptons in the winter rain isn't boring'<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3rWOhS1zb0k/UOE0c5ydyeI/AAAAAAAAATM/Br_5vgh2e1U/s1600/gun-to-head.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3rWOhS1zb0k/UOE0c5ydyeI/AAAAAAAAATM/Br_5vgh2e1U/s1600/gun-to-head.jpg" /></a>Then he proves that it is. <a href="http://danshamptons.com/2012/12/29/what-i-do-when-it-rains-in-the-hamptons/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">Check out David Lion's blog</span></a> post he was apparently forced to write at gunpoint. It's a true confessional, a treatise on a life lived, spilled out on the page in all its whogivesashittery. <br />
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The Hamptons isn't boring in the winter when it rains, he posits. Shoot, I go to the movies! I'll even plan to go to one movie (Les Miserables') and then suddenly change my mind and see Django instead; that's how off the chains I am in the Hamptons. Or I'll read a book. Or work on a novel. <strike>(Please don't.)</strike> <br />
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We think David should open up a suicide hotline that convinces people ordinarily <strong>not</strong> contemplating suicide to go ahead and do so. <br />
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Also, David...Les Miserables'? You're fired from manhood. Turn in your testicles before you leave.<br />
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Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901905312807825867.post-7479523344553170892012-12-31T03:30:00.000-05:002012-12-31T03:30:00.940-05:00Hamptons homeless now visible without leaves to hide behind<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-K81-hsK_uLE/UN6PPOBNaVI/AAAAAAAAAS8/DrK1CPK4E8s/s1600/Hippie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-K81-hsK_uLE/UN6PPOBNaVI/AAAAAAAAAS8/DrK1CPK4E8s/s1600/Hippie.jpg" /></a></div>
We're not sure how to take <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/ny-charity-finds-shelter-homeless-hamptons-18072352?page=2" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d;">this 2-page feature by the Associated Press</span></a>, which was republished by ABC.com. On one hand there's the WhatTheFuckery of this:<br />
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<em>It's not that the homeless don't exist in the string of famously exclusive waterfront communities on the eastern end of Long Island — they just blend in more easily when it's warm.</em><br />
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But then there's the delicious, CueTheGuillotinesery of this:<br />
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<em>"The privet hedges, the beaches, the resort community, the gigantic homes that are used 12 weekends out of the year," she said. "Every time I drive past one of these homes that for the most part are empty, I'm thinking, wow, how many people could we house in this place?"</em><br />
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The profile is of Maureen's Haven, a nonprofit organization that provides shelter to homeless people on the east end. Their home base is in Riverhead, but appparently they house a lot of day laborers and minimum-wage workers in the Hamptons. <br />
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The story is interesting in that it addresses something that all of us here on the east end know already: that folks is brokes. I'm not sure what camoflogue the homeless are using in the summer, but I will admit I've never seen a homeless person the way you see them in New York City, where, for the record, you can spot them year-round.<br />
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Ours don't lay on benches I guess? Ours don't lean against buildings or sit on the ground? Ours know better? Hmmm.<br />
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Getting back to the last statement in the story, we love the idea of raiding these beachfront houses and stocking them with smelly poors. We already have <a href="http://www.hamptonyte.blogspot.com/2012/12/jerry-della-feminas-problems-would-make.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">one douchebag</span></a> on our list of whose home to invade first. <br />
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<em></em>Sandmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01077253812441671415noreply@blogger.com0