Attention Hamptons Fameballs!

Now's your chance at Hollywood fame! Well, not really. But it is a great opportunity to show off how pretty, rich, and spoiled you are, so everybody wins! The smarmy sounding casting agency Grant Wilfley Casting (GWC) is looking for all you well-heeled Homptons-types to fill the background of the new season of "Royal Pains," a scripted TV show about a physical therapist who serves the wealthy Hamptons crowd because he traded his soul to Satan for a block of cheese when he was growing up in the ghetto. Something like that. Here's the list of qualifications. Stay away uglies! Make yourselves scarce poors! Unless you're Latino, of course.

• Men and women with upscale, late model cars, e.g. Mercedes, BMW, Lexus, etc. Please include the make, model, year, color and a recent picture of your car when you submit. (Bleh)
• Latino men and women to play Cuban horticulturalists. (Subtext alert: they mean gardeners.)
• Older men with real-life experience as barber. (That should be fun role!)
• Young, attractive heiress type who is comfortable driving a sports car on camera

(Note: you don't have to be an actual heiress, just an "attractive heiress type." Here's how you cast this. Step 1. Walk out onto Main St, East Hampton in July. Step 2. Throw stone. )

Break a leg! Seriously. If you respond to this casting call just go ahead and snap your femur. Both for bonus points.