Abandoned Virginia Fort yearns for white slacks and pink sweaters

Virginia's Fort Monroe is due to be abandoned by the US Army this coming September. Located on the southern tip of the Virginia penninsula, the fort, with sheer white walls emerging from the water in carved out, octogonal shapes, looks in no way like the Hamptons. But that's not stopping the Virginia Film Office from trying to convince movie-makers that Fort Monroe can easly replicate the Hamptons at a fraction of the cost.

According to Mary Nelson, communications flack at the Film Office, "the white homes at Monroe could easily be used to depict areas in New England or The Hamptons."

Sure, the Army's white barracks are almost exact knock-offs of what people live in in East Hampton. As much as I'd like to see the Hamptons get invaded and sacked, even I can't go along with this premise. Besides, if you insist on drawing similarities, it'll only be a matter of time before The Real Housewives, Alec Baldwin, and Devorah Rose show up, and then you'll be wishing you'd seceded from the Union.

On the other hand, I think the only recourse is for the Hamptons Film Festival to start offering the region as an ideal place to make a war movie.