Southampton Mayor: The Parrish Is Just Not That Into You

Southampton Village Mayor Mark Epley got a Dear John letter from the Parrish Museum this week in the form of a Southampton Press reporter calling him for comment on the museum's plans to leave the village very soon.

"They are?" he said. Or something like that. Apparently construction of the new Parrish Museum's digs in Water Mill is underway and moving along swimmingly, meaning the museum will be leaving its century-old home on Jobs Lane in the heart of the village as early as 2012, according to this article. The vacancy will leave a huge gap in the middle of Jobs Lane and poses a major decision for the mayor and his flying monkeys to decide who should be the next tenant. (See: please God, don't be a Starbucks.)

But the real kick in the jabumbas is that Mayor Epley kept calling and calling and stopping by, and writing, and throwing pepples at their window, and sneaking inside dressed as a potted plant, and Facebook friending them, and sending over singing messengers, and chocolates, but the Parrish was not trying to hear that. The Parrish does what the Parrish wants. Nobody puts Parrish in a corner. OMG, they went out, like...once...and he can't get over it. They've moved on, why can't he? They're seeing someone new. A Swiss architect no less!

So, yeah. That kind of sucks. If anyone has ever taken the time, the museum's outdoor sculpture garden of Roman figures is one of the best places to take a cup of coffee and contemplate the unfairness of life.

It's now where you can find Mayor Mark Epley. Moping. Kicking the grass. Holding the locket he planned on giving the museum as a token of his love. Go annoy him about the new parking ordinances! Go now!