Sex offenders ring in the New Year: Hamptons Style!

If you're looking to party with the hottest, sexiest, trendiest sex offenders in the world, look no further than toney Southampton Town! That's right, these totally fabulous fingerers decided to hit the town for New Year's Eve, as their residency in mobile homes parked in Westhampton appear to be staying put into 2013.

County Executive Steve Bellone was supposed to pass a measure to move them out of Westhampton by year's end, but...oops. He totally forgot! Now they're here, they're fierce, and they're ready to party it up, Hamptons Style!

Check out Pat McGroin's definitely 2013 neckware he snagged from the mannequins at Cynthia Rowley's Montauk Shop. Holden McCrotch is absolutely fabulous and forward in this matching popped collar from Ralph Lauren. And he accessorizes! Nothing attracts the kiddies like his candy bracelets from Ralph's fabulously lovely, and totally not entitled princess daughter Dylan!

So where were these heavy-panting hotties tongueing down the toddlers at midnight on December 31? Our sources don't know. And they'd never kiss and tell...that would be soooo last year!

Hamptons porno to shoot July 18

We're not sure if this is slated for the Hamptons International Film Festival yet, but while Dan's Papers has its eye on the very latest in the world of Royal Pains we'll be on the lookout for a porno that is set to shoot in the Hamptons this coming Monday.

According to this Craigslist casting call, Casting Director Steve Murphy held auditions late last month in South Huntington for not one, but two porno films. He was looking for sexy females between the ages of 18 and 30, to get paid a tidy sum of $2,500 each.

We reached out to Murphy, but unsurprisingly he never got back to us for comment on such questions as, "What hotel are you shooting in? What room? How can one get invited to the wrap party."

Here's to hoping the film shoot goes so well that the Hamptons becomes the next San Fernando Valley. You think a 7-11 opening in the Hamptons is bad, wait until Dirk Diggler walks into a Golden Pear and stirs his coffee without using his hands.

The Weakonomy: Everyone's Too Poor to Bang

It's exactly like rap group Three 6 Mafia said it was: "It's Hard Out Here for a Person who brokers business transactions for services rendered between an experienced woman and a lonely man.

Wow, the economy sucks so bad that nobody wants to get sucked so bad? According to this article in Business Insider, who took its cue from the Daily News, the swinger "industry" (industry? Really?) is taking a beating in this economic climate, as attendance is way down and membership to exclusive swinger clubs is getting a little too prohibitive.

Especially in East Hampton, where, according to the article, swinger clubs are still charging about $300 for you to get your freak on with a whole crew of sweaty people. Memberships further west including New York City cost about $150.

Damn zone pricing. Still. We can't just skip the cable bill? Or cut up a credit card?