Hamptons Makes Two of the Top 10 Beaches You'll Never Visit

We're the 1000th outlet to report on this, but that's how we roll, journalistically. This CNN.com report lists the top 10 beaches in America, and two of them are located on the east end, with Cooper's Beach in Southampton actually nabbing the number 1 spot. Coming in 5th was East Hampton's Main Beach.

For the uninitiated, these are two beaches you can technically go to. Technically. Cooper's Beach in Southampton? $40 parking fee. Plus $125 speeding ticket.

Main Beach in East Hampton? $20 parking fee. And that's only on weekdays. On weekends you can't even go there without a village parking sticker. To get a village parking sticker? You have to live in East Hampton Village, or pay $300 for an out-of-village parking sticker. Oh, and for the year 2010? Out-Of-Village parking stickers are SOLD OUT. So go home. Or take a day off in the middle of the week to sit by yourself.

Beaches are literally the one thing the Hamptons should just leave off of their marketing materials altogether. 90% of them are private or closed to anyone outside of village residents. The public ones, like what made this list of best beaches, want your firstborn before you can dip your toes in the sand.

Sigh. Twas always thus.