From Bikinis to Puppies; Now That's Evolution!

The Memorial Day Weekend Hamptons coverage is trickling in (or should was say oozing?) and we've uncovered some real gems to recap.

Starting with this kiss-ass article covering the Hamptons magazine party. It was held at the publisher's house in Southampton, where the guest of honor was Mariska Hargitay, the Law & Order SVU actress whom graced this issue's cover. (A Pez dispenser to anyone who can e-mail me and tell me if Hamptons is a real magazine, or just a glossy catalog of advertisements with a celebrity on the cover to lure the fabulosity crowd to this guy's house in the summertime.)

From there, the party moved to the Axe Lounge at Dune, where Kelly Killoren Bensimon ushered past a groupie-whore fistfight in the bushes to grace everyone with her toothy presence. Well, first she recorded this creepy-but-important-only-to-Kelly-PSA announcement in the middle of her living room about "systematic bullying." Apparently it's never okay. Neither is 4-on-1 action. That's never okay. Unless it's in the sack. Then it's never not okay. Otherwise, it's never okay. Just, generally defending oneself against attacks, or screeching "go to sleep, you're crazy..." that's never okay. If you see someone being the victim of systematic bullying? Let the bully know...that's not okay. It never is. The more you know.

Okay? Okay, so she stepped over two bitches clawing each other's eyes out to get at a Twilight actor who's probably gay to begin with, and she walked right into the Axe Lounge, and probably had a good time, because she was around a lot of people she thinks are important. Good for her. Making sure you're always at parties packed with self-important mooks? That's almost always okay.

What's not okay is this quote, after she actually became the 1-millionth famous-for-nothing nitwit to show up at a party with a dog in her arms (seriously, when is this stupid trend ever going to fade away?) From Gather.com: "This just shows how things are changing for me, I used to pose in bikinis, and now I pose with puppies." Wow. That's transformation! You know, change has a way of making us both happy and sad. It's okay, yet it's never okay.

You know what's also not okay is Kelly's Real Housewives cast mate Sonja...um...Sonja. Her. The blond chick who's new to the show. Yeah, she got arrested for DWI in Southampton, which should come as a surprise to no one. Apparently she refused to take a breathalyzer, but failed a field test, (which, if you've ever experienced a field test, you gotta be pretty blind stinking drunk to fail). Not taking the breathalyzer is usually automatic suspension of license, but she may have skirted more serious charges. She can cough up the license for a year, no biggie. We're sure some cabana slave will chauffeur her around whenever she needs to be somewhere. So...well played Sonja. Well played. Getting jail time or community service is never okay. Cooperation with authorities is never okay.

Sidebar: The egg on our face for blasting Southampton cops who arrested a crowd of people at Neptunes. Our implication was that they don't target the rich. Our apologies. You have made our day with the pinching of Red Sonja.

Another successful Memorial Day Weekend. Tune in next week when we rattle the bell jar once more and watch the pretty snowflakes trickle down all over again.