Study Hamptons Culture: Get Paid...Nothing

Sorry. That's the way internships go. But if you haven't heard back from a real job yet, or you already got turned down for that job as a public restroom attendant, or a sewage worker, or the guy holding a sign, waving to motorists, or the "geek" in "Shoot the Geek," or a waiter at Chucky Cheeses, there's one more option.

Hamptons.com is looking for interns. They put out a press release, and with a straight face tried to lure you in with the golden opportunity to learn journalism this summer .

Kids...you're going to learn many things at that internship. You'll learn the difference between a cosmo and a martini. You'll learn how to cozy up to celebrities. You'll learn how to re-can press releases. How to get invited to all the right parties and how to dangle your camera in front of you when you get there. How to use over-the-top hyperbolic language when describing a person, a party, or a dish. (fabulous, fantastic, fantastimonious, superberrendous!) You'll learn how to decipher between important people and not-important people. You'll learn how to ignore the not-important people. But you'll never. Ever. Ever. Learn journalism.

But hey, it's something to do, and maybe you'll meet Pauly Shore.

The Weakonomy: Naming Names

So we got a kick out of this article on CNBC.com, not because we don't think Lehman Bros. royally screwed people out of their future, but because, as a society, we've evolved to the point of stalking Lehman Bros. employees.

Meet Lehman Executive Erin Callan and her hunky piece of Queens firefighter love-hunk Anthony Montella (pictured here). They're enjoying themselves on a beach. Just look at her. She looks happy. Which is against the rules for executives at Lehman Bros., Goldman Sachs, or any of the investment companies that made us so proud to be little entrepreneurs.

Apparently Ms. Callan is named in a lawsuit filed by the California Public Employees' Retirement System, which, without even reading the details of the suit, sounds painful to think about. (Read: please don't tell me Lehman Bros. ransacked peoples' pensions.) Ms. Callan is one of three executives named in the suit, so CNBC.com decided to go dumpster diving on their asses.

No news regarding the other two, but they did get some sweet photographs of Callan and her boy-toy living it up in East Hamptons, dipping their toes in the sand. Callan poses with her head cocked, puppy-love style. Montella still has that look of disbelief prevalent on the faces of many wonks who bag themselves a financial whale. That "pinch-me-this-can't-be-happening" look. Ah, the lifestyles of the rich and morally bankrupt.

In addition to this bit of paparazzi scandal, the article also unearthed a montage of photos published on Webshots that Montella took of Callan's East Hampton home, which was on sale for a very modest $3.75 million, then pulled from the market and put back on the market for an inexcusable $3.9 million, and then pulled from the market and put back on for a more realistic and feasible $3.6 million. Be right back, I gotta go hit a cash machine.

As it stands, the house is back off the market and it appears Ms. Callan will remain in East Hampton, holed up with her hunky firefighter-man, (who may come in handy should Californian pensioners decide to come burn her house down). And lastly, but more importantly, her boyfriend has a Twitter account.

Tweeting? Really? The jury's still out on whether or not to behead you both.

Bruce Buschel's Special Whine

This week we learned that Bruce Buschel, the thin-skinned owner of Southfork Kitchen in Bridgehampton, Googles himself. Or has his name on Google Alerts. Hi, Bruce.
We got a nice note from him in the comments section of our last blog post, which might have actually helped call attention to his need for added staff. No matter. He took issue with...whatever:

To Whom It May Concern,
Returning to Southfork Kitchen in mid-March will be the executive chef, sous chef, chef de partie, beverage manager, two cooks, two servers, two runners, porters and dishwashers. We are looking for more people because we expect the spring and summer to require a larger staff than the winter, and we want to spread the good fortune. In an industry that tends to have a lot of turnover, especially in a seasonal location, we think we are doing all right. But thanks for noticing.
By the way, I was building a restaurant before I became a blogger, not the other way around. Sincerely,
Bruce Buschel
Owner, Southfork Kitchen

We continue to belly laugh every time he talks about how to run a restaurant, using all his grown-up words, and explaining the way of the world to us, like this venture isn't just another one of his dollhouses. Oh, Bruce. You were building the restaurant before you became a blogger? What that implies is that we give a rat's ass about the chronology of your life. We don't. But thanks for noticing.

Fabulosity Navel-Gazers Wanted

Either there are not enough, or there can never be too many, we're not sure, but another lifestyle outlet is looking for another lifestyle writer to contribute to another lifestyle blog that covers the fabulous lifestyles of the absolutely fabulous this summer.

We found this posting on Craigslist while looking for actual real work. Haute Living is looking to extend its coverage of the most important unimportant people as they take their importance east for the summer.

Why should you? The perks, people, the perks!

• invites to the hottest parties (pretty important)


• a chance to write for an "established brand" like Haute Living (very important)


• opportunities to make "high-end" contacts (how high-end? How about Gwyneth Paltrow's pool-boy?!)


• a way to expand your online presence (the most important)


• an opportunity to fine-tune your suicide note

Good luck. But remember, you must be willing to document your drool on Facebook. And the Twitter.

Work For A NYTimes Blogger, Turned Restaurant Owner!

Bruce Buschel, the restaurant owner who recently bitched out readers on his New York Times blog You're The Boss, is now looking to hire just about every position it takes to run a restaurant. Why? Well, maybe it has something to do with the fact that he posts the personal woes of his employees on his blog. Or maybe it has something to do with his overall lack of sympathy for staffers who believe that if they get behind the wheel in the midst of an east-end snowstorm, they'll die. Or maybe it's because he assumes his servers, by nature of their lowly stations, will never attend a book release party, or film premiere.

Either way, he's looking to fill the following positions. Be ready for a 10-day training period and, at the end of it, to be able to recite not only the menu, but Southfork Kitchen's "philosophy." Whatever that means. Godspeed:

He's looking for Cooks

He's looking for Front Of The House staff

He's looking for a Dining Room Manager

East Hampton Angry It Doesn't Get To Be Special

So, last year, even though helicopters have been in existence for a long time, helicopters suddenly became too noisy to bear. All the residents in East Hampton who flew there by helicopter, went out in their back yards, looked up at the sky and frowned at all the noisy helicopters. So they formed a committee, called the Permission to Use Anti-Aircraft Ground Artillery Committee. It was exclusively an East Hampton committee, because, basically, the only people who can afford to fly above the bridge and tunnel crowd heading out to the Hamptons, can also afford to live in East Hampton. They were all set to submit recommendations to the FAA to curb the noise that was clearly ruining their already difficult sunning, bathing, tennis, equestrian, partying, catered-lunch lives.

Then the rug got pulled out from under them, and the Permission to Use Anti-Aircraft Ground Artillery Committee got disbanded in favor of a committee that is made up of people from a number of townships on the East End, including (gulp) the very black, fairly poor, Riverhead.

Now the East Hampton committee, which was informed by the town board it wasn't special at a meeting last week, is completely livid. They feel like a multi-town approach would have "competing interests"--mainly, East Hampton's interest in seeing the helicopters buzz very black, fairly poor Riverhead and those hicks in Southold rather than them. If Riverhead and Southold are allowed to have voices in the new committee, they might actually prevent East Hampton residents from being able to fly into their homes without the troublesome inconvenience of noise. To that end, members of the now disbanded committee want this new committee to carry with it a majority East Hampton representation.

“There was no willingness to consider routes that would spread the noise,” Mr. Ehrens wrote in his letter, noting that “even then, one of the towns [Riverhead] failed to sign on.”

So Riverhead was basically saying, look...nobody who flies out here from the city is daring to get in a cab and visit very black Riverhead. The helicopter passengers are primarily East Hampton residents, so why should we allow those helicopters to fly over our airspace when the passengers aren't even coming here to live, or spend their dollars?

Oh, shut up, Riverhead.

Alec Baldwin For Town Troubadour

So far he's taught a class at Southampton College (when it was a college still), played a lead role in Equis at Guild Hall in East Hampton, and sits on committees all over the east end. Last week we saw him changing someone's tire on Jobs Lane while delivering mail on his usual route.

Now, according to the East Hampton Star, the actor/activist/professor/political-hopeful/tire-changer/mail-deliverer is going to read sections of "Huckleberry Finn," at Bookhampton in East Hampton tomorrow at 4 p.m.

Someone hand this guy a guitar and plop him in the middle of a gazebo somewhere.

In other news, exit polls will show that 90% of the audience at this Bookhampton event will have no idea what Huckleberry Finn is, or who wrote it. Or when. But 100% of the audience WILL have a camera in their hand.