Dispatch To Self-Important Fashionistas!

As much as we are pained to admit this, we like you cocktail party fashion-monger Sex&TheCity wannabes so much more than Brooklyn hipster fauxhemians, that we're begging you, we're on our knees begging you to start the Battle of Montauk!

According to this piece from Guest of a Guest, these pretentious trust-fund Williamsburg toolbags have been invading Montauk this summer and turning it into a playground of irony and unwashed hipsterism. Not that we don't appreciate a good naked romp, (we certainly lament the recent court decision in New Jersey that cuts down on nude beaches on the shore) but c'mon. Anybody except these people. I can think of three annoying types of people right now, and they still don't add up to how much this particular subculture would ruin a perfectly good drinking and fishing town. Wanna try me?

1. Eager green-light honkers

2. Cell phone talkers while simultaneously ordering something at the counter.

3. Uhhh, what the heck, cocktail party, fashion-monger, Sex&TheCity wannabes.

We recognize that in a perfect world Jaws comes along and eats both of these summer east-end dwellers, but since that's unlikely to happen we'll take the devil you can try to upskirt with your cellphone cam, versus the devil who has a beard but still rides a bike.

Sarah Jessica Parker: dispatch your army now!